crazy F@4%4z Day

I'm tired. I think I'm always tired but at this point I want to get under my covers and cry and fall asleep. I miss sleep so much I can't wait until the day comes when I can really sleep with out no worries. Well, I will always worry but I just want sleep. 

 I have been at my job for 2 years and I am exhausted that I can barely keep up a smile but in my head I tell myself to smile or at least ask the customer how they are doing. Do I really care, not really I'm just doing my job. Some days are better the some. People give me some hope now and then. I always seem to put a smile on my co-workers face as they might be having a ruff day. I am to but once everyone is laughing and not stressing then we all are okay...well I would hope so. 

   Today was crazy as I had to get some things done for work but less with the customer. I just feel drain out but I have 2 more days to go and I am off but then I have to entertain my kids and give my dad a small birthday party so the kids can celebrate with him. Turning 59 is a big deal ( I think he is) 

    Life of course is a crazy journey. Being a mom of four kids and doing it alone...dang I give my hat off to the mothers that had to do it and ones that had to do it when there husbands had to work long hours to make ends meet. It's not easy and enjoying life can be a difficult task. 

   Somehow I do it and so can you. I'm hoping to plan out so more things so I can at least have a clearer road ahead of me. 

  Oh yea tell me why my old friend I haven't talk to for a while hit me up to ask for money which was 30 dollars to help with her bill and then ask how the kids are doing. In my head I was like wow really N**** so I just kept it moving and didn't bother to respond as I was at work and I let her know but working my ass off to get things I need and my kids is important to me. I might have a little left to give to my parents if they need it or my brothers even if I might not want to give it to them I will always be here for them. 

  That was kind of like what the F**** but it's all good.

 I wish I could ask people for help but I don't. I like to work for my money and owe no one. I'm glad I have my parents. I never ask my brothers for anything but I really was down and out and I had to call my baby brother for diapers when Baby Z was young, just a tiny little baby. I told myself I shouldn't have to do that and I better make sure every payday I get my baby diapers and wipes. That's what  I have been doing. I still need to get my oldest some Snow shoes which we will on Thursday and then shopping for toys. I can't wait to get them gifts. I love getting my kids things and see a smile on there faces. I love them. 

   A long day at work as my feet are starting to hurt now. I'm going to make there lunch and hopefully get to go to bed at least by 9ish but I doubt it.

My Journey My Life