Saddest Day

Today is the saddest day for me. I said goodbye to my kids father. With kind words and trying to understand everything I have to let go. I hope he understands why I do what I do or why I did it.
  Are relationship has changed forever. He doesn't understand but he will later down the line.
I have became numb to everything. My mood has change. I'm quit to where I wonder about every little thing I do. I even try to be perfect mom for my kids.
  I know soon I will lose contact and  I will have to do it all alone. My oldest son does need a father figure but I'm trying to get the courage to talk to guys and go out once in a while just to start the dating scene again. It's not that simple.
    Even today at work I just wanted to leave it. I'm tired of doing something I really dislike. My future seems to be in a swirl of unknown that I want to bottle up in my covers and cry.

   I'm planning for every step I take more then I would like. My life is already difficult but now it's going to get more challenging. The pressure is on and I sure don't like it one bit.
   Every time I step out the house I need to breath and put on a smile. A smile to hide my true feelings. I have no idea how I'm going to make it the rest of the year.
    Changing my number already scares me to disconnecting myself from people makes me uneasy. Unsure about everything I do.




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