My feeling yestereday...ring less
As my morning was not to bad as I got the kids off to school and was able to go to two grocery stores and Target I found myself cleaning my kids room ( Well made there bed) to cleaning the bathroom. My little one sleeping as I try to look for a job that I can basically get more pay. I even looked up what careers are great for single moms with 4 kids. I only went to one website as my mind got distracted to looking at College degrees and online classes I can take.
I really don't want to wait until summer to start school so I figure I try and practice for the assessment test for English and Math. I want to get a high score to where I don't need to take English at all and be able to take a High math class if I want.
Everything was going great as I felt a little blue because I have to decide on something that might not fulfill my excitement of working but I truly hope it does as I pick something. I've been in retail so long that I'm a pro at it. I even know the back house of retail. I even thinking about building my own retail spot but do I really want to work those hours and be bothered with customers? Yeah of course if I own it and bringing in the money!!!!
So I figure I just go take the test as soon as I can and start from there.
Then something happen. Once my mom called me and asked me if I have talked to my youngest brother I said " like 2 weeks ago" then the words I thought I wouldn't hear I heard " He wants to have a wedding reception." Of course he is already married but his wife and him wants to have one. I guess that's fine which it should be. Not like they had a huge wedding or anything.
Now I'm sitting her with 4 kids by the same men which I feel really stupid to let him come back in my life to crush it by not doing what he needs to and it does seems like he is scared to take the chance to apply where I live and find a really great job.
Okay back to the main point I was getting to. I'm sitting hear as life is passing me by with 4 kids and ring less living in my parents house as I cry now and then but more inside acting like everything is ok. 2 months away from being 30 years old( Not counting this month) trying to find a career and build a foundation for myself and kids. Wanting to just live comfortable and not worry so much that my brother has reminded me of my mistakes and what I truly want that seems so far away.
I truly don't know how to get over it nor do I understand how I'm going to walk down that ail and say I do to the men of my life which I have no idea when I will meet him since right now in my life I have decided to just stay focus on ME and MY LIFE.
Ahh this is when you wish you had a group of friends that you can meet up with and grab some wine and snacks and chat it up and tell all the things that are on your mind. Getting there opinions to certain problems and even realize that your life isn't that bad. But no I have moved miles away to have associates that I can't call friends.
I might as well go to my neighbor house which isn't to far and have a drink with her.
Life is life and I sure can't soak it all in at once.
I really don't want to wait until summer to start school so I figure I try and practice for the assessment test for English and Math. I want to get a high score to where I don't need to take English at all and be able to take a High math class if I want.
Everything was going great as I felt a little blue because I have to decide on something that might not fulfill my excitement of working but I truly hope it does as I pick something. I've been in retail so long that I'm a pro at it. I even know the back house of retail. I even thinking about building my own retail spot but do I really want to work those hours and be bothered with customers? Yeah of course if I own it and bringing in the money!!!!
So I figure I just go take the test as soon as I can and start from there.
Then something happen. Once my mom called me and asked me if I have talked to my youngest brother I said " like 2 weeks ago" then the words I thought I wouldn't hear I heard " He wants to have a wedding reception." Of course he is already married but his wife and him wants to have one. I guess that's fine which it should be. Not like they had a huge wedding or anything.
Now I'm sitting her with 4 kids by the same men which I feel really stupid to let him come back in my life to crush it by not doing what he needs to and it does seems like he is scared to take the chance to apply where I live and find a really great job.
Okay back to the main point I was getting to. I'm sitting hear as life is passing me by with 4 kids and ring less living in my parents house as I cry now and then but more inside acting like everything is ok. 2 months away from being 30 years old( Not counting this month) trying to find a career and build a foundation for myself and kids. Wanting to just live comfortable and not worry so much that my brother has reminded me of my mistakes and what I truly want that seems so far away.
I truly don't know how to get over it nor do I understand how I'm going to walk down that ail and say I do to the men of my life which I have no idea when I will meet him since right now in my life I have decided to just stay focus on ME and MY LIFE.
Ahh this is when you wish you had a group of friends that you can meet up with and grab some wine and snacks and chat it up and tell all the things that are on your mind. Getting there opinions to certain problems and even realize that your life isn't that bad. But no I have moved miles away to have associates that I can't call friends.
I might as well go to my neighbor house which isn't to far and have a drink with her.
Life is life and I sure can't soak it all in at once.
Comments
Post a Comment