Healing process

Healing is a process as it will take time. Moving forward with everything all alone seems unreal but I have to. 
  I feel like I let go from talking to him. I might have a day where I wonder about if he is okay as my mind is so use to it but know I have to turn that off. I don't have to care. I don't have to worry about him. 
   I pray for it to all leave which it will but it's a healing process. 
I can't wait for his parents to visit. After I can let go of all of that. Change everything in my life. Let people go out my kids life. 
  "It's better to leave if I person doesn't love you" Something like that I'm probably not quoting it right but it's true. The pain will hurt. You will scream and yell wondering why but then you will get up and let go. You will see something better is coming even though it's not in site. 
  
   For me I want to leave everything I knew about him and his family. I can't heal if they are around. Kids will grow without him as they I use to it. If he was down here and things just played out like that then of course it will go different but since he careless as he say he does care I laugh because he is lying. He makes himself care but I do.

  I know it might be really mess up to let go of everything from him but I need to. He will dislike me for it as I will never talk to him again.( I hope so because I need to heal. ) 
    I want to love again with out feeling emotionally attach to him. I want to trust again without wondering if a men will mess with my emotions and I want to be myself without doubting everything I do. 
     Yes, it's difficult when you have kids in the picture as my mom said they are still going to love there dad and be around him which is true but I need to heal.
   He never cared about them so why  should I care about his feelings or what he wants. My kids I do care about and if there comes a time where they need him then I might consider it. I'm hoping I don't have to as I pray I have moved on and there will be a great men in my kids life. He will just be a person that was a sperm donor.

  Life will go on as this Journey will be a challenging one. You might see sad post to happy post to what in the world post but I need to let all of it out. I need to lift up the curtains and let it all out.  
   


My Journey My Life

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