A little bit of my morning. How I'm feeling at 39 weeks pregnant/ will she ever come?
Still morning as 11am is around the corner. Noon will be here before I know it. I woke up at a descent time. I got up to only make coffee and two piece of toast. I know not really breakfast but I wasn't to hungry. In my pj's as I have a oil stain on my shirt from last night I think. I found myself looking at jobs to calling a Jr college back about the CNA program that will only take one semester which is great but it will cost to where I need to save for it. I'm not really into getting financial aid as I will have to pay it back so I'm trying to do it out of pocket as much as I can. From there I will see where I get to. I might love it and keep going.
Anyways I have not done nothing as I will after this blog. Cooking my kids something to eat to actually practicing for a assessment test for math for the college I found myself struggling a bit as I finally figure out how they got the answer. It took some time but I didn't give up. It was actually fun figuring out the math problems but I know I need to study fractions and the different ones. Haven't been in school for a very long time. ( 9 or 10 years) You see life was flying by me as I kept going and didn't realize it. Now I want to do something different. Ha like 10 years later but it's never to late to start something new.
But my morning was slow but I feel like taking a nice bath as I will take another one later on tonight. I know why not wait? Well, I want to relax but clean myself as I was sweating in the middle of the night. Okay maybe TMI but just letting you know. I did a little yoga that was great for me. I'm occupying my mind so I won't think about or stress about the baby not being here yet. Not talking to baby daddy as well is helping me get ready for birth and stress free. If he calls he will call but calling him to tell him how I'm doing seems ridiculous . He should be the one checking on me and how things are. So second day not talking to him. I'm fine as I keep my mind on other things. I think I'm going to change my daughter name as I debate about it. which I did argue a bit with the father about. I guess his niece name is close to the one we choice and he wants to pronounce it a different way as I changed it. Like is niece name starts with a S and spelled the same. Sariyah or Sariah. Something like that. He is making me feel bad as if it's a bad thing but I want her name to be Zariyah which they way he says it is different and the way I say it is different. There are two ways to say it but know he feels all depress and shit when I wouldn't change my mind. But I think I have something I love and like that will fit her. I'm still going to keep Zariyah even if he doesn't like it. First name might be different.
I wish he understood what he said to be in the being as he act like he didn't want her as I was like Nope, it's happening as I was like F**** but it is what it is. I could give her away to my mom but nope that ran through my mind but I didn't do it. I sure was not going to get a abortion as we couldn't afford another one or ready for one. We were just getting back together and working things out but I didn't care. I was carring the baby and he wasn't. He oculd have left but he didn't. So know him tryig to name it and be involved as he was before but when you do stupid things along the way. That makes a person wonder about life and what they really want.
That being said, I will be moving out with 4 kids on my own. It's ok but I know they want a father around as well. He has to work and he found a good job where he lives. I even thought going down htere but I like where I stay now as I know I can go back to Cali.
With all that going on and me trying to be calm and not stress. I have to occupy my mind. Not worry about what he is doing or other people. I need to keep going and stay focus and pray to the most high that my little girl will come soon. At 40 weeks or after. I just don't want to hit 42 weeks where they will try to induce me. If I have to I pray that she comes before they have to do any of that.
Trying to be stress free today. Even though kids can stress you out, I have to figure it out. Taking a bath will help and yoga. Going outside to get some fresh air with my kids would do me some good.
My life My Journey
Anyways I have not done nothing as I will after this blog. Cooking my kids something to eat to actually practicing for a assessment test for math for the college I found myself struggling a bit as I finally figure out how they got the answer. It took some time but I didn't give up. It was actually fun figuring out the math problems but I know I need to study fractions and the different ones. Haven't been in school for a very long time. ( 9 or 10 years) You see life was flying by me as I kept going and didn't realize it. Now I want to do something different. Ha like 10 years later but it's never to late to start something new.
But my morning was slow but I feel like taking a nice bath as I will take another one later on tonight. I know why not wait? Well, I want to relax but clean myself as I was sweating in the middle of the night. Okay maybe TMI but just letting you know. I did a little yoga that was great for me. I'm occupying my mind so I won't think about or stress about the baby not being here yet. Not talking to baby daddy as well is helping me get ready for birth and stress free. If he calls he will call but calling him to tell him how I'm doing seems ridiculous . He should be the one checking on me and how things are. So second day not talking to him. I'm fine as I keep my mind on other things. I think I'm going to change my daughter name as I debate about it. which I did argue a bit with the father about. I guess his niece name is close to the one we choice and he wants to pronounce it a different way as I changed it. Like is niece name starts with a S and spelled the same. Sariyah or Sariah. Something like that. He is making me feel bad as if it's a bad thing but I want her name to be Zariyah which they way he says it is different and the way I say it is different. There are two ways to say it but know he feels all depress and shit when I wouldn't change my mind. But I think I have something I love and like that will fit her. I'm still going to keep Zariyah even if he doesn't like it. First name might be different.
I wish he understood what he said to be in the being as he act like he didn't want her as I was like Nope, it's happening as I was like F**** but it is what it is. I could give her away to my mom but nope that ran through my mind but I didn't do it. I sure was not going to get a abortion as we couldn't afford another one or ready for one. We were just getting back together and working things out but I didn't care. I was carring the baby and he wasn't. He oculd have left but he didn't. So know him tryig to name it and be involved as he was before but when you do stupid things along the way. That makes a person wonder about life and what they really want.
That being said, I will be moving out with 4 kids on my own. It's ok but I know they want a father around as well. He has to work and he found a good job where he lives. I even thought going down htere but I like where I stay now as I know I can go back to Cali.
With all that going on and me trying to be calm and not stress. I have to occupy my mind. Not worry about what he is doing or other people. I need to keep going and stay focus and pray to the most high that my little girl will come soon. At 40 weeks or after. I just don't want to hit 42 weeks where they will try to induce me. If I have to I pray that she comes before they have to do any of that.
Trying to be stress free today. Even though kids can stress you out, I have to figure it out. Taking a bath will help and yoga. Going outside to get some fresh air with my kids would do me some good.
My life My Journey
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